New Improved Stock Market Terms For 2008

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My mom sent this to me this morning. Now I’m not usually big on email passalongs like this, but it strikes me that a little humor might be in order given this week’s depressing events in the markets.

All we can do is keep our chins up, our noses to the grindstone and time will heal all. Mean time anything we can do to keep away depressing thoughts and the constant barrage of bad news in the financial markets and worsening economic conditions.

I hope this puts a smile on your face … I know it cheered me a bit as we wait to see what happens again come Monday when the markets open. Cheers!

  • CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  • CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
  • BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  • BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
  • VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
  • P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
  • BROKER — What my broker has made me.
  • STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
  • STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  • STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
  • FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
  • MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
  • CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
  • YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
  • WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
  • INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
  • PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
October 11th, 2008 by Local Fresh


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